Artifacts

Math humor!

(Via the indubitable Jenn)

Go me!

The things people buy

Yes, those are three stooges golf statues. $200 each.

I find it strangely soothing ...

... that my beverage and my drugs are in the same color scheme.

And yes, for those of you paying attention, this image does mean that I set up a backdrop on my desk at work.

Like I always say, I may be obsessive-compulsive, but it's not a disorder with me.

Things are a little weird at epinions this morning

Thank goodness it has a crumb tray.

Who is that, now? (Alternate title: Second WTF of the day)

Ignoring the funny main photo... who is that over there on the right? I mean, even a blind man could tell the difference... (Click to see larger version)

Well, you know... they all look alike.

Feelin' a little prickley today

(Prick the image for a larger version)

Comfortable and practical travel clothing #341

The home computer of 2004

Click the image for a slightly larger version. Source unknown; this is going around in e-mail at Acme Labs today.

Given the large wheel there on the left, I suspect this is actually an early prototype of the iPod...

That must have smarted

Vince and I saw this walking back from lunch this afternoon. No broken bricks or skid marks on the road and sidewalk, so I'm assuming this was a slow-motion event; still, that must have been a fearsome push.

Always roll fully dressed

One of the little treasures I picked up on our latest trip to Oregon, from a free trucker magazine at a rest stop.

I know ol' Waylon said that if we could all sing the way we wanted, we'd all sing like George Jones... but would we "roll fully dressed" like him?

And what the heck is a wheel simulator? Are these just elaborate hubcaps?

I've got that going for me, at least

Passing notes

Part of a copy room in our new office building is being converted into an office, which has been an entertaining process to watch (OH, so that's how pros mud and tape!).

Now it appears that the different sets of contractors are having, uh, a difference of opinion on how to finish the flooring part of the conversion:

Regular maintenance is recommended

Here's what happened when D&C stored their truck at R&J's for a while:

The world's wordiest chopstick wrapper

Mmmm, Porktrack.

Read all about it.

Uh... Okay...

Yesterday Becky picked me up at the gym at 12:30; we had planned to go run errands, but in the interim she had gone for a walk in the arboretum with Rich, Jenn, and Janel, and they had decided to go get Dim Sum at China Gate.

Which, all things considered, is a pretty good after-workout meal.

But check out the fortune I got... I didn't know those had been made since the 60's. Wow.

I wonder what that means?

I mean, I get "light", but what's "movie theater popcorn" supposed to be?

Tastes like it was made by a pimply sixteen-year-old who's hot for the ticket taker, but she's screwing the manager who failed out of film school and this is the only way he can work in an industry that's about to collapse under it's own weight, anyway, and why the hell should he care?

Or maybe it's just saltier.

Make the compositional choices of the proletariat

You thought I had run out of these, didn't you.

Learn to draw the propaganda board of the proletariat

Learn to draw the fuel can and desk of the proletariat

Learn to draw a hero of the proletariat

Now that's a drill

Long-time readers (as well as those of you who actually know me) know that I have a fondness for industrial detritus.

Imagine my delight, then, when this appeared outside of the assisted-living home near our house:

SO cool. Me want.

Idle hands etc. etc.

From a slow moment during this morning's status meeting:

You are chatting with: Uncle Vinny

Uncle Vinny says:
Fiddle-dee-dee! I'll always have Tara.

david adam edelstein says:
Feeling a wee bit scarlett?

Uncle Vinny says:
Feeling her up mighty powerful, yup.

david adam edelstein says:
Freaky. Considering she's fictional.

Uncle Vinny says:
i have a powerful imagination.

david adam edelstein says:
No you don't. That's all in your head.

Uncle Vinny says:
well...ok, I *imagine* that I have a powerful imagination.

david adam edelstein says:
I imagine you do.

david adam edelstein says:
Imagine is a weird verb.

david adam edelstein says:
Imagine imagine imagine.

Uncle Vinny says:
no, you don't. you imagine that you imagine i do, but that's all.

david adam edelstein says:
I'm a butterfly imagining I do.

Last night's graffito

Outside Siam on Broadway.

Another movie screen shot

OK, smartypants, here's another movie screen shot for you to ID:

And, because I'm merciful, here's the answer, though I hate like heck to give it to you without a struggle.

Cat and Bear Odd Couple Reunited in Zoo

Jan 9, 10:08 AM (ET)

BERLIN (Reuters) - Muschi, a small cat that formed an unlikely friendship with a half-ton bear called "mouse" in Berlin Zoo, has been reunited with her companion after pining outside the bear's cage for months, the zoo said Friday.

Muschi, which means "pussy," has been popular with zoo visitors ever since she appeared in the bear's enclosure three years ago. But the pair were split up last October when the bear was locked in a cage while her living space was enlarged.

Zoo keepers took pity on the distraught cat that had taken to roaming around the zoo and sitting outside the cage, and this week allowed her in the cage with the shaggy female Asiatic black bear called "Maeuschen," which means little mouse.

"They greeted each other and had a cuddle and now they're happy," said Heiner Kloes, a member of the zoo's management board. "The cat has a real fan club, mostly among our older, regular visitors."

No one knows where Muschi, a normal black domestic cat, came from. "She appeared from nowhere in 2000 and we decided to leave them together because they got on so well," said Kloes. "They sunbathed together and shared meals of raw meat, dead mice, fruit and bread."

The enlarged enclosure will reopen in the spring.

Excuse me?

Fricken' New Hampshire is warmer than Seattle? No, that's not OK, thank you.

(Weather graphic from MyWay)

Total class

So you want to class the joint up a bit, but everyone you know already has a print of that "dogs playing poker" poster?

How about dogs playing pool?

Nota bene as well that stylish glowing marbled guitar model thing.

Spare time

This is going around in e-mail today; origin unknown.

What happens when you have

1. nothing to do
2. a sharp knife
3. a large lime (or a small orange if you're in TN)
4. a patient cat
5. too much tequila
6. and it's football season?

Via Marcia and Beth.

Efficiency in packing

Today, when I got to my office, I found a large box waiting for me:

"Wow," I thought, "I don't remember ordering anything large."

Imagine my delight to find that the only thing in the box was my new keyboard wrist rest:

Alasdair, next door, said it best: "Sometimes, man, I just don't understand this world."

(The wrist rest, by the way, a Fellowes "Crystal" gel model, is quite nice.)

OK, that's not good.

Just started up Internet Explorer and saw this disturbing series of warnings on my MyWay home page.

Armageddon? Or just winter weather?

Because I know you're going to ask me anyway, here's what the various alerts are:

• Seattle: Flood warnings on the Snoqualmie, Tolt, and Skykomish rivers.


• Honolulu: High surf, rising to 10-15 feet tomorrow on the north shores of all the Hawaiian islands; plus high winds, 30-40 mph with gusts up to 46 mph.


• DC: Tornado watch, and a flash flood warning.


• Lebanon: High winds as well, with gusts over 45mph likely.

Y'all take care out there, ya hear?

More really odd spam

Most spam is purely annoying, but this one is another gem of oddness:

From: "Rebecca" < rebecca9075n@earthlink.net >
To: <__________@____.___>
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2003 1:00 PM
Subject: Re: Davadam - I imagine in the present day he miserably has difficult snags! - 3TqvYBogEVvv2TQdf4

Greetings Davadam!
I suppose you know Robert Chevalier? I'm fully confident he fatefully has tricky setbacks!
Verify this link to help him!

http://freeHankvideos.net:sexyblonde@uk.geocities.com/emmick53545e/?q=OtNzAyNy1hYWFoMTYxNjk0Mw

Good bye, Megan Nassery.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Brilliant nippy wide-reaching plus from Rebecca or your buddy and chum Michael McCown.
To stop from this first-rate hurried global tips, send any email at 100% Free here lovely Davadam: mailto:jasmin013@online.com.ua

OK, that was odd

Are any of you lot responsible for this spam I just got at work?

From: RE:Your Luke fan club membership!
[mailto:SuFan@ILoveGiraffes.net]
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2003 3:18 PM
To: David Adam Edelstein
Subject: Hi Welcome Onboard!

Hi Folks

Luke's secret following here
Everyday our lives go by we sit here with love growing in our hearts for having discovered the FICTITIOUS one Luke Fictitious

also found as

lukefictitious

we even tried

___.lukefictitious.___

But today is a very special super beautiful day beyond our wildest dreams and fantasies because today we discovered {the can't say it site} has been updated and now we are filled with joy and excitement for having found the fictitious one!!!!! luke fictitious that is!

This is a very special day please understand we must express our love for fictitious.
And we have now added our second fan site to the web our first fan site might be up there still but we don't dare tell anybody where it is because if we do they take it down and then just how can we fullfill our meaning and mission in life?

So good luck to you we hope you find our fan site and rejoice! Now we have yet another reason to celebrate perhaps this email has reached you and you can join us in knowing somewhere there is such a wonderful find as fictitious.

Please also send a copy of this email to all your friends {it might bring you luck} {only your nice friends bring good luck} Your list is never big enough....

WOW It's a great day!

GIVE US AN L
L
GIVE US A U
U
GIVE US A K
K
GIVE US A E
E
WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?
LUKE LUKE YEA LUKE

OH HOW WEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOVE FICTITIOUS

And 1 more thing

3 5 7 9

who do we think is great and fine

fictitious fictitious yea fictitious!!!!!!!

we currently do our searches with www.msn.com

Looking at www.lukefictitious.com, it looks like it might be a file-swapping service... but what a weird e-mail, no?

Is Miz Becky trying to send me a message?

If so, babe, spam is a weird way to do it.

From: Rebekah Kelly
[mailto:rebekah_kelly_jr@onthenet.com.au]
Sent: Saturday, October 11, 2003 4:02 PM
To: [my other e-mail address]
Subject: Scientific breakthrough Penis pills

This morning's odd graffiti

It what?

Someone at our local Walgreen's has inflated expectations about what Jell-o can do.

Some mornings...

... it's more Orwellian here than others.

My entry ...

For least accurate fortune cookie of the month:

We'll take your merely creepy snapshot...

And turn it into a truly horrific painting!

But.... uh... what is it?

From The Stranger's classified section this week.

I'm not sure which is worse...

The fact that they're selling Halloween costumes before the middle of September, or the fact that fat people are apparently really funny.

Ha! Ha! A fat ballerina! A fat witch! The always humorous sumo wrestler!

#545 bus, yesterday evening

I looked over yesterday evening as we were headed into downtown Seattle and noticed this crumpled piece of paper stuck in the announcements display at the front of the bus:

Naturally I was intrigued, and had to retrieve the whole thing. I went through a painfully slow process of sliding the announcement flyer up, then sliding it back down a bit when it lost traction on the document, then sliding it up, then back down to get more traction, until finally I worked a corner of the document up out of the frame and I could get ahold of it.

And here, for your perusal, is the whole document. (Kind of a big file for those of you on modems)

My best guess is that it's a flyer to attract investors in an imaginary band posted by someone who was, let's say, off their medicine. Any other guesses?

It's good to have a hobby

In these cynical times, it's nice to see that someone still believes in something. I guess.

STERLING, Kan. (AP) - After three years of crossing the state on a quest for hamburgers, Bill Bunyan tasted victory on his 65th birthday.

Fifty friends and strangers gathered at a restaurant in downtown Sterling Thursday to watch Bunyan eat a hamburger. When he bit into the burger, Bunyan, a retired teacher, had completed his effort to eat a hamburger in every one of the state's 105 counties.

Bunyan's wife, Susan, made hamburger-shaped invitations and sent them to all the friends who'd helped Bunyan eat his way across the state.

Full story here.

A content-rich envelope

Found in a conference room this morning:

Hey, what's the big idea?

This. This is the big idea:

Yes, Rob came by to have lunch today and indulged my taste for industrial detritus by bringing with him not one but two used 405 watt street light bulbs for my collection.

Here, one of them is charmingly modeled by Vince:

Apparently these came from a guy whose full-time job was to replace all of the street light bulbs in the city of Everett.

Now, if I only had a desk light with a socket big enough...

A bug, but not in software

I was doing a little printing on the piezography printer this evening, when I ran into a problem that I can say I never had in the traditional ("wet") darkroom:

Yet more whiteboard art

Things continue to be a bit strange in the kitchen here:

(Apparently this one refers to a comic strip, though I haven't been able to find it on Google)

That's kind of unfortunate

On the phone just now with Miz Becky, I just noticed that my sleepily-chosen socks aren't a very good transition between my pants and my shoes...

Questionable biology

Maybe it's just me, but the illustration on this conditioner bottle just didn't seem right:

Bob, maybe you should take your own car next time

Bus Driver Snared in Prostitution Sting Jul 13, 12:03 PM (ET)

CICERO, Ill. (AP) - A Chicago bus driver's unscheduled stop in suburban Cicero is proving very costly.

The Chicago Transit Authority had to shell out more than $1,200 to get the bus back after the driver pulled over Friday night, allegedly to connect with a woman he thought was a prostitute.

She was actually a Cicero police officer. The driver was arrested and other officers impounded the bus.

Transit officials said the driver was a part-timer, and if the allegations against him are true he will be fired because he was still in his probation period.

Cicero police said the arrest was part of a new prostitution sting operation, which has resulted in more than 100 arrests and the impoundment of 71 other vehicles.

Green Mountain Cookbook

When we were in Portland last month, we spent some time in Powell's cooking and gardening store. We browsed for a while and picked up a few books, but the real treasure (for me) was a box of sale books by the checkout line, which included some old church cookbooks.

I love community cookbooks, mostly as cultural artifacts, since I confess I don't think I've ever cooked anything from one.

I was very good. I limited myself to two books. One was a collection of recipes from Frigidaire, published in 1936, which I may post excerpts from later. The other, excerpted below, was published by the "Ladies of the Congregational Church Of Fair Haven, Vermont" in 1900.

It's a facinating collection, both the ads ("Taylor's Sugar Coated Mandrake Pills", which apparently cure "Sick Headache, Languid Feeling, Torpid Liver, Constipation") and the recipes (the only seasoning in one recipe is "a speck of cayenne").

This is obviously only a small sampling of the recipes and ads in the cookbook. If I have the time, I'll post more later. (Coming attraction, from the ads at the end of the cookbook: "YOU Can Eat Onions... BURNETT'S BREATHLETS will do the rest.")

This morning's stoner graffiti

I have conflicting feelings about graffiti. On the one hand, it is messy and it does makes cities look bad. I certainly wouldn't want to have any show up on, say, the side of my house.

On the other hand, I can't help but think of it as artwork, as personal expression, and I therefore experience it on that level as well. And on that level, I often like the work a great deal.

Vampires in daylight?

For the last month or so, I've been seeing these horrible, horrible bus ads for some local morning TV show, but I haven't been able to get a decent picture of them. Yesterday, I finally succeeded.

There it is to the right, in all of its creepy glory. Note the tag line: "Dangerously habit forming."

Of course, what you really want is to see the photo up close and horrible:

I didn't know vampires showed up on film, but perhaps this is a new and improved breed.

Did nobody at the station look at this and think "Damn, that's a creepy photo"? Maybe it's just because I don't watch any television that this bothers me so much... but I doubt it.

That's mine!

Looks like ol' George was getting a little happy with a label maker.

Addendum: It wasn't until I saw them together that I realized how similar the composition of this photo is to the "nearly landed gentry" photo, below. It's weird how consistently we see sometimes.

Handwriting Analysis

Just checked my mail slot here at the office, and found an invitation from Getty Images to come to a preview of the new Art Wolfe show at the Frye Art Museum, which is very thoughtful of them.

What's entertaining about this, though, is that it appears that Getty is having tween girls address envelopes for them:

All that's missing are little hearts over the "i"s.

(Oh, and if you're wondering whether this is an invitation to send me weird stuff at work... be my guest :-)

A new toy

I got a surprise gift after lunch today! My most excellent friend Marcia, who knows my love for weird pieces of industrial hardware, found this for me at an antique store in Bellingham:

Mmmmmm... wrench. Nice weight, beautiful scunge all over it, and hand made.

Standard Lego construct for scale.

Quality reading material

As I was dashing into Freddie's to pick up a tarp to cover our load of sod, I came across this quality example of classic literature:

Fun with generic business names

Promo photos from heck

I don't know what to say about this.

Craft projects for the easily amused

Why yes, that is a set of pliers under a sheet of silly putty.

Post-it outside building 18

Seen this morning:

Free truth

On the edge of a table in the Hugo House tonight:

Art is where you find it

Continuing in my long tradition of treating interesting packing materials as readymade art:

Job opening

They're looking for a part-time waitress over at the Rimrock again.

(Oh yeah, and my digital camera is back!)

Goin' on a trip

One of the topics of discussion this weekend was "when are we going to Hawai'i next?"

I maintained that Miz Becky and I had discussed going back in November, though she didn't remember it.

However, these fortunes (from our inspired dinner at Hing Loon after getting off the train) seem to indicate that I was right:

real sugar

All I'm sayin' is, how can you put "use real sugar" on a packet of beet sugar? I'm getting mixed messages here. Should I not open this packet?

--A sugar snob

Odd horoscope

OK, either the new astrologist the Seattle Times is using is having a little April Fool's Day fun, or she's sheared a pin:

Since none of the other signs were that odd, I'd guess the latter. Or Miz Becky (May 17) is just lucky...

They all want to talk to me

I was waiting for the bus this morning and saw a guy walked by who I first saw years ago, getting off a bus downtown... I went back to my notes for the full story.

It was about 5:30 in the evening, and I was waiting to meet Miz Becky on the 308 heading home. This guy gets off of a bus, makes eye contact with me, winks, and walks over. He's in his late 60's, short, pudgy, unshaven but clean.

He looks up as he gets to me, and says "I had never lifted weights in my life, never worked out. I was down there in the south seas and on a bet, on my first try, I pressed a hunner-sisty pounds. Most guys can never do onesisty. It was all that shovelling coal and that."

He winked again, and walked off.

Was that a setup?

This evening, I got off the bus and walked towards yoga.

In front of the post office, I saw a car giving a jump to a... decommissioned hearse?!?

As I passed this scene, the avuncular owner of the hearse looked up at me.

"Yep," he drawled with a halfway grin, "my car died."

Wallet note

As we were all getting off the bus this morning at work, I glanced over and saw the following note sticking out of a credit card slot in someone's wallet:

* find dirty newspapers -- in sidewalk cracks

Good to know

Overheard on the bus the other day:

"After I got sober I found something out. I thought I only lost my temper when I was drinking. Not true! I just have a bad temper!"

Have I?

I heard this on the PA in the Aspen airport a couple of months ago:

"May I please have your attention. All passengers who have not yet done so, please do so."